Well, good morning, everyone. I'm so excited for today. If you have your Bibles, go ahead and turn to Genesis chapter 2. For this series we have been in Genesis 2 and 3, and we are in week four of our relationship series called It's Complicated. It is our love, sex, and marriage series. How many of you know that relationships can be complicated? It can be so complicated. How many of you, through this series, are finding your marriages getting a little less complicated? Praise God. That's what we're looking for.

How many of you are single in this place? If you're single, wave your hand in the air. Wave your hand in the air like you just do care. What's up? Take a look. That's what you're working with. I'm going to be helping y'all. How many people are dating in the room? Okay, there we go. We got some daters. How many people are engaged in the room? Okay, we got some engaged people. Let's go. I love that. We love a church that is moving forward in all of that.

Here's what I'm going to do today for week four of our It's Complicated series. We're going to be talking about dating. Now, if you're married and you just turned yourself off because you're like, "I'm not dating," you have just told me everything that is wrong with your marriage. Here's why. The longer you are married, the better you need to get at dating, not worse. We should never stop dating our spouse. We have to get better and better.

Another reason you should lock in is because we all have friends that are single. You have kids that are single. You have teenagers who are single. And I think one of the things we have to be careful of is that we can't always be a selfish listener. What does that mean? Sometimes we're listening to something and we're like, "Okay, how does this apply to me?" And I think that's great and beautiful. But sometimes we need to be listening not to apply, but to teach. There are people God has put in our lives who need the truths we're going to talk about today. So married people, I've got some stuff for you. Single people, I've got a whole lot for you. But either way, there is something you can learn and there's something you can teach. So y'all got it. Those are the rules of engagement.

Why is dating so complicated?

Okay, great. Talking about dating. Dating is hard. Dating can be complicated. Now, I'm no expert in this. I dated two people my entire life. My first girlfriend, I was 17. I had no idea what I was doing. We broke it off and I was like, that was terrible. The next time I do this, I'm going to marry the girl. And literally, I did not date another person until I was 24. The second person I dated was Paige. She was my girl, and we have been together for 10 years.

I was actually looking to see if I could find our first photo together as a couple. You want to see our first photo together as a couple? Here it is. Look at that. Those of you who are saying "aww" are looking at her. Because when I found this photo, I realized something: women, you age like wine, and men, we age like an avocado. We do not get better with age. Unfortunately, we get a whole lot worse.

But I remember that season. I was 24, trying to find someone, and I was like, man, this is so hard. I feel like we're in a world where there are more and more options than ever, but less and less quality options. Can I get some amens from the single people? And I remember thinking, I'm going to find someone. It's going to be great. But my love life mostly looked like this. This summarizes my love life. I was the guy back there in blue, looking at everyone else who had this awesome love and thinking, "One day it's going to be me." And then fortunately I met Paige.

What I've learned as I've talked to people is that dating just gets harder the older you get. When you're 20, it's like, do you have a job and do you have a car? That's all you want. When you're 40 and you're still trying to find someone, you're like, do you love Jesus? Do you have a car? What's your credit score? Can I have your therapist's notes? Is there a background check I can see? It gets a whole lot more complicated the older you get.

And then you add technology into that. We're not even trusting God and the Holy Spirit. We're like, "No, I need technology to help me." So we have all these apps. I was talking to young people, like, what apps are there? And they told me there's an app called Tinder, which I think is for people under 30. I think it's the one where you swipe left and swipe right. Why would y'all know that? Why? You shouldn't. You have Tinder. You have Hinge, if you're looking for a more serious dating relationship, until you meet someone who's unhinged. Amen.

Apparently there's one called Raya. I was talking to someone last week and I asked, "How did you guys meet?" And they said, "Oh, we met through Raya." And I was like, "Great. Who is she? Does she go to our church?" And they're like, "It's a dating app." Okay, apparently we love Raya. There are all kinds of them. If you're looking for something sanctified, there's ChristianMingle. And of course, if you live in the Queen Creek area, there's FarmersOnly. Some of you are like, I just need a farm boy, and apparently it's on FarmersOnly. I thought, this is not real. I looked it up, and apparently it's real.

But there can be so much pressure when it comes to dating. Your family can be applying pressure. Every time you go to a wedding, your aunt, we'll call her Aunt Karen, comes up and says, "When are you going to get married?" And you're like, "I'm trying. I'm trying my hardest." At the next wedding she comes up and says, "When are you next?" And at the next one, "When are you next?" Let me say, I have a response for Aunt Karen. It's not Christian. You don't have to use it. But the next time you're at a family funeral, you can say... Don't say that. Don't say that. Aunt Karen, she's nice. She's trying. She just doesn't know what to say.

What does the Bible say about being single?

There's even pressure in church. Why? Because we read verses like Genesis 2:18, which we've read over the last couple of weeks: "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'" And we can read that and think it means you have to get married. But you need to know that's not about marriage. It's saying it is not good for us to not be in community. We need to have people around us. The challenge is that sometimes we read it and think singleness is a curse to cure.

It is not a curse to cure, because Paul says this in 1 Corinthians 7:7. Before I talk about dating, I want to talk to those of you who are single. He says, "I wish that all of you were as I am." Y'all didn't know that was in the Bible. That's in the Bible. "But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." Praise God. Paul's wise.

But he continues, and he says why: "I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs, how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world, how he can please his wife." And all the husbands said a big amen. "And his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world, how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you." So what he's saying is you don't have to follow this. But he says this so "that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."

Some of y'all, if you weren't married, you'd be so distracted. Go ahead and get married. But what he's saying is there's actually a calling God can place on some people's lives that you can do more of single. I remember when I was single, man, I was doing ministry. I was doing all the things.

In fact, can I have my wife come up here? Can you walk up to the stage, Paige? Here's what you need to know, talking to all the single people real quick. When I was single and God told me to do something, I did it. He was like, "I need you to move to America." And I was like, "Fine," and I did it. He was like, "I need you to work at this job." I'm like, "Great." He's like, "I need you to start a ministry." I'm like, "Great." I was so nimble. And it was beautiful, because I was able to be quick. I was able to follow exactly what God said.

And then I met my lovely wife, Paige, and we got married. I love you. So glad that you're here. And then God would say, "Hey, Brad, I need you to move to Arizona." Some of y'all are newly married and you don't know this yet. Some of you, God says move, and you're like, "Great." Don't do that. You need to love your wife. When you're married, God says, "I need you to move to Arizona," and I'm like, "God has told us to move to Arizona. Do you feel good about that?" And we're like, okay, three, two, one, go. And it's like, God is telling us to do this ministry, and it's going to take a lot of our time. Are you good with that? Okay, here we go. Three, two, one, go. And then you add kids to that, a kid upon a kid upon a kid, and you are a whole lot slower. Does that make sense? Now we're strong, but we're not as nimble. We're not as quick. Thank you. Can you give Paige a great big hand?

The reason that's important to understand is this. If you aren't careful, you will think singleness is a curse that needs to be cured, and you'll talk to your single friends like, "Oh my gosh, you need to get away from being single." But let me just remind you: Jesus Christ, who changed the world, changed it single. He did everything God called Him to do single. You do not need to find a person to find your purpose. You do not need to be married to settle into your potential. You can accomplish what God has for you as a single person. And all the single people said a big amen.

Do not make this waiting season a wasted season. If you are single, you have so much time. Get into the presence of God. Start serving. Start building the church. I remember that's what I was doing. I was building the church. I was doing everything I could. And while I was serving God, eventually I found someone running next to me serving God, and her name was Paige. And I was like, we are doing this together. Do you want to do this together for life? That's what it looks like. So all my single people, I need you to know this: do not waste this season.

Dating isn't the problem. Deciding is.

Now, let's talk about dating. Married people, single people, lock in. I think here's the problem: we have more options than ever before. And the big idea I have for this sermon is this. I think dating isn't our problem. I think we know how to date. I think the problem is deciding. Dating isn't our problem. Deciding is, because it's more complicated than ever.

When our parents were trying to date, there was no social media. There were no dating apps. You had your small little church, you had your workplace, and you were like, there are 20 people. I pick you. Let's do it. If you're on an island and there are two people there, you're like, eeny, meeny, you. When you have fewer options, it's easier to make a choice. The challenge now is that we have so many options. There's social media. I am technically connected to every single person in the world. You're on these apps swiping, and you think the perfect person is one swipe away.

And we buy into this lie that the right person will complete me. This isn't only for single people. This is for married people. You can buy into this lie: I just need to find the right person, someone with the perfect body and the perfect understanding and mindset and emotions and spirituality. And the second they're not that, we're not working on sanctification. We're like, swipe.

It's like cable. When I was growing up, we had five channels. You would scroll through the five channels and be like, "Okay, great. There's a movie I kind of like and it's halfway through. I might as well watch it." And you were happy. You would watch half of the movie. But now we have Netflix and HBO and Amazon Prime and Hulu and Apple TV, and you have unlimited options. And what happens? Friday night you go to watch something, you scroll for two hours, and you're like, "There's nothing to watch." You literally have unlimited options. But for some reason we're like, "Oh my gosh, there's nothing to watch."

That's called the paradox of choice. The idea is that more options were supposed to make you happier, but after a certain point it becomes harder to choose, and you become less satisfied with what you chose. It's like ice cream. When you walk into an ice cream store that has only three flavors, vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, you're like, I'll have the strawberry. And you like the strawberry. I had three options and I picked. Well, now you go to Jeni's and there are 50. You try 20 of them, and you start eating the 20th one, but you're like, "I wonder if the 21st one is better." So you're eating your ice cream, but you're not satisfied with your ice cream, because you think there's other ice cream.

And if you think I'm just talking to single people, I'm not, because married people, we do this too. I just need to find the right one. And you have a moment where you're like, I don't know if this is the right one, but literally at my workplace, literally on my phone, literally on that app, there's someone. What if they're better? What if they will complete me? So we start looking at all these other places instead of being satisfied with what we actually have.

Here's the danger. The danger of an infinite dating pool is that you stop asking, "Is this someone I can build my life with?" Instead you ask, "Is there someone better one swipe away?"

I need you to understand something about marriage, and it's going to shock some of y'all. Marriage was not designed to make you happy. Can I get an amen from the married people? Marriage was not designed to make you happy. Marriage was designed to make you holy. If you go into a marriage and both of your goals are your personal happiness, you'll be miserable. But if you step into a marriage and both of your goals are your personal holiness, that you are going to be selfless, you will actually find yourself being happy. The goal cannot be our happiness. The goal more than anything needs to be our personal holiness.

How do you date God's way?

So dating isn't the problem. The problem is making a decision. We're so afraid of making a wrong decision that we don't make a decision at all. But God tells us we need to make a choice. Deuteronomy 30:19 says this: "This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses." It's like God is giving a multiple choice test. He's saying, "Okay, I'm your teacher. Pick life." He says, "Now choose life, so that you and your children may live." That's not only life in following Jesus. That's life in everything. Make decisions that are in alignment with the Word of God.

So here's what I want to do for all of us today. I want to give you four decisions that all of us have to make.

1. Decide who you'll become

The first decision is this: decide who you'll become. Decide that you are going to become the right one. It's become so complicated because we believe the lie of culture, which is: if I find the right one, everything will be all right. It's called the myth of the one, that out there among these seven billion people there is one person who is more perfect for you, and if I can just find them, everything will be perfect. The only problem is, if you actually believe that lie, you will spend all of your time finding and none of your time becoming. The Bible has nothing to say about how to find the right one. It has everything to say about how to become the right one.

I remember this when I was a youth pastor. I would hang out with middle school guys, and we'd be talking about a bunch of things, and I'd ask, "Okay, what Bible questions do you have?" And they're like, "When is God going to give me a wife?" And I'm like, "Really? That's your Bible question?" And I would say, "Okay, what are you looking for?" And it was crazy. These middle schoolers who are so quiet are like, "Oh my gosh, she needs to have the beauty of" some celebrity. "She has to be kind like Mother Teresa. She needs to have the wisdom of Solomon, the tenacity of Ruth, and she needs to love Jesus like Mary herself. When I find that person, I'll marry her."

And I'm like, you are 16, playing Xbox 30 hours a week. You have no idea where you're going. You have no idea what you're going to do for college. You really think if you found her she's going to be like, "That's my guy. Even though I have a purpose and I love Jesus, and you're not even reading your Bible, you're my guy"? I'd say to high school guys, "Bro, if you met her, she wouldn't pick you. If that girl exists, first of all, she doesn't. But if she existed, she wouldn't pick you." You're saying she needs to be kind. Are you kind? You're saying you need her to be out of debt. Are you out of debt? She needs to be fit. Are you fit? We have all these unrealistic expectations.

Single people, hear me. Here's a question: are you who the person you're looking for is looking for? Are you becoming that person?

Married people, I'll say it to you as well. Are you still becoming the person your spouse was looking for? Or are you married and you're like, I got it in the bag, I don't have to do anything anymore? That's why I think date nights are so important for married couples. You need to pursue intentional conversation. There's a bunch of questions Paige and I ask each other every month, and there's one question I heard this week that I think is one of the best questions I've heard. Married people, I want to encourage you to ask it this week. Here's the question: "What are three ways I'm blessing you right now, and what is one way I can bless you more?" That's it. The three ways you're blessing them is going to make you feel real good. And the one way I can bless you more is basically saying, "How do I suck?" But be kind. It's like, "Where can I get better?" Why? Because we need to continually focus on becoming the person the person we're with was looking for, not just be like, "I got it in the bag."

This is what I love about the story of Ruth. Ruth was a widow who was ultimately looking for someone who could redeem her, who could continue her family line. And there's someone by the name of Boaz. The Bible says in Ruth 2:1 that Naomi had a relative on her husband's side, a man of standing, a man of character, whose name was Boaz. And what happens is Ruth actually approaches him, and it says this in Ruth 3:11: "And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All the people of my town know that you are a woman of noble character." This is the same word used in Proverbs 31:10: "A wife of noble character who can find?" The Proverbs 31 woman.

So what you see in this moment is that Boaz was a man of character and Ruth was a woman of character, and they found each other and chose to marry each other not because of their looks but because of their character. Are you working on your character? Here's what I wrote down: they had both become the kind of person the person they were looking for was looking for. So you have to decide to become the right one, even in marriage.

2. Decide who you'll choose

The second thing is you have to decide who you'll choose. Praise God, because all of y'all have a list. But I've heard your lists, and they're not good lists. So many times I ask people, "What is your list?" And it's always physical. Dark hair but blue eyes, olive skin. And you can find someone who literally has the body of Samson and the spirit of Elijah, and you're like, "This person's amazing, but I don't know. He's not 6'5"."

"Brad, are you saying physical is not important?" No. Physical's super important. I pray that you are super attracted to the person you're with. But what I'm also saying is that physicality can grow. Let me say it this way: if you take two ugly sticks and rub them together long enough, you'll eventually start a fire. You're welcome. I'll be here all day. Eventually it comes. Paige and I will tell our story at the end of the series, but we actually weren't each other's type. We fell in love with each other's character, and the physicality came later.

What should a Christian look for in a spouse?

You need to have a new list, so I'm going to give you one. Single people, I need you to take a photo of this list. Married people, I need you to take a photo of this list too, not only to become it, but also to help all of our single friends. If any of these don't work, it's a no. It's a red flag. It's a stop. Here we go.

First question: do they love Jesus? Please, for the love of Jesus, do they love Jesus? The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:14, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" Jesus has to be your foundation, not chemistry. You're like, "Oh my gosh, there's a physical spark. You like blue, I like blue. You like sushi, I like sushi. Let's get married." No. Do not get married. There has to be more to it than that. Is Jesus your foundation?

Second question: do they have godly character? We talked about this a couple of weeks ago. Are they under the Word? Third, are they wise and are they teachable? Fourth, are they faithful and trustworthy? Do me a favor: watch their lives. Do the patterns of their lives actually line up with their words?

Fifth, are they moving in the same direction as you? Before Paige and I even dated, I went to her and said, "Hey, I need to tell you something. When I was 18, I felt God tell me that at some point in my life I'm going to plant a church. I'm more sure about that than anything in my life, and I need you to know this. If you're not willing to do this, this has to be over. I have a direction for my life." And she didn't say, "I'm on board." She said, "Let me pray about it." She came back a couple of weeks later and said, "I'm in." And we said, "Okay, let's do this." And then I said, "How many kids do you want?" We started having all of these conversations even before we dated.

Number six: can they love sacrificially and honor covenant? For the guys, is she someone who is willing to submit to godly leadership? For the girls, is he willing to lay down his life for you?

One of the things I learned when I was dating Paige is what I think is the most romantic thing you can say. A lot of times people will say to someone, "I love you," and that's super romantic. Here's the problem with that: most people think love is a feeling, not a choice. Here's what I think is more romantic than "I love you": "I choose you."

Because we have this myth of the one. I do not believe there's only one person for you. I believe there are many people you can make it work with. But when you say to someone, "I choose you," you're saying, "I am forsaking all others. Even though there are many good options, I want you to know you are my best option, and in this moment I'm choosing you for life." That's what a covenant is. It's saying, I am going in. We are connected to each other. Nothing will ever separate us. I am choosing. It is not a feeling. It is a decision. Paige and I are one. We are in covenant. I told her this: "Babe, if you leave, I'm going with you. Where are we going?" She's like, "I'm mad at you." I'm like, "I'm mad at me too. Where are we going?" That's what covenant is. You make a decision.

How do you know they're the one?

This is going to help you, married people. I remember dating Paige, and I would go to people and say, "Okay, I think I'm getting ready to get married. Here's what I need to know: how did you know?" I was trying to get wise advice. How do you know this is the person you need to marry? And they gave me this advice, and it's awful. They were like, "You just know." I was like, "That's not helpful, because I don't know." So I went to someone else: "How did you know?" And they were like, "Oh, it's easy." I'm like, "Thank God. What is it?" And they said, "You just know." So I tried one more guy, and I said, "Tell me, how did you know?" And he said, "Bro, you just know."

And I got so frustrated. I was like, "Really? Tell me that you just knew in hindsight. Please tell me that all you did was make a decision, because I can do that. I can look at everything and say, 'Paige, you are the one for me. I love you. We're compatible. We're going in the same direction. I choose you.'" And he was like, "Yeah." I was like, "Praise God." And I proposed about a week later. We've been together for almost 10 years. I made a decision. It wasn't a feelings-based decision. It wasn't "I'm in love." I knew that stuff would fade. I said, "No, I choose you."

The problem is, some of you are in marriages and right now you're feeling that stuff go away, and you need to get back to not just "I love you," but "I chose you, and I'm in this for life." It's the best thing you can say.

The seventh thing is this: is there genuine desire and affection?

Married people, I want you to take a photo of that list, and I also want you to ask yourself: is there any part of me where I'm not living up to something on that list anymore? This isn't only for you to show your single friends. This is also for you to say, okay, is there any part of me that needs to change?

What are red flags in a Christian relationship?

Okay, all of those are green flags. Let me give you some red flags, because I've talked to some of y'all, and you think red flags are accessories, not warning signs. You're like, "No, but he's a red flag with brown eyes, and I like that." Red flags are not accessories. They are warnings. If you see a traffic light that's red, what do you do? Stop. Some of you in relationships see a red light and you're like, "That means go, go, go, baby." It does not mean go. It means slow your roll.

Here's why this is important. Proverbs 27:12 says this: "The prudent see danger and take refuge." So when you see danger, you run. It says, "but the simple keep going and pay the penalty." Don't be simple.

A couple of red flags. Here's the first: they pressure you to compromise your values. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. If you want to live a pure life relationally and they're like, "No, let's have sex, let's do all these things," let me just say this: if they're pressuring you to compromise your values, that person doesn't love you. That person is using you. Why? Because love is patient. Love is kind. If they're forcing you to compromise your values, it's a no-go. He is not spiritually mature enough to lead you yet.

The second red flag is this: they refuse to go public. "Just keep it between us. Let's not tell anyone about it." Major red flag. There's someone on the side. That's what's happening.

Next red flag: they refuse to define the relationship. "Let's just chill." No, let's not just chill. Men, lead. "I would like to date you. I would like for us to be boyfriend and girlfriend. I am doing this for the purpose of marriage." And all the ladies said, "Thank you. Praise the Lord." Lead.

Number four: they ghost you and then they love bomb you. Your friends and family don't like them. Red flag. This next one I think is probably the most important one: they treat waiters poorly. See, y'all know. If they treat waiters poorly, they'll treat you poorly. The seventh thing is this: their spiritual life is inconsistent. You do not marry potential. You marry patterns. What do their patterns look like? Because red flags don't turn green. They get redder.

3. Decide how you'll date

Decide who you'll become. Decide who you'll choose. Third, decide how you'll date. Let me say this about dating, and all the parents are going to thank me after this. Dating is a process to move through, not a status to sit in. Decide how you're dating. Let me say it this way: dating is investigation. What do you like? What do I like? Are we going in the same direction? Should we run together, or should we run away? Dating is data.

I think this becomes really clear when you have a daughter. Say some dude came up to me, and this is one day when she's dating, when she's like 30, and said, "Hey, Brad, I like your daughter Sunday. I have no intention of marrying her, but I would like to date her for a while. I would love for us to get really emotional. We'll probably be tempted to do stuff sexually. We may give each other parts of our bodies. I'm just going to try to figure this out and see how it works, and when I'm done, two years from now, I'll come and give her back to you." How does that sound, y'all? I may be a Christian, but I'll be doing prison ministry from the inside. It'll be over for that man.

The only purpose of dating is to move toward marriage. That is the only purpose of dating. That's why with high schoolers dating, I'm like, what are you doing? You're not even close to a place of getting married. You're spending years being tempted. And I know you have a story about those parents who met in high school and got married, but they're 0.000000001%, and that's probably not you. It's true. The only purpose of dating is to move toward marriage. So let me say this: do not date until you're ready to move toward marriage, and do not date someone you won't consider for marriage. Because if you're not dating them to marry them, you're not dating them. You're using them.

Song of Songs 8:4 says, "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." And some of you are awakening love at 14, 15, 16, and 17, and the time is not right.

How long should Christians date before getting engaged?

So let me say this: the length of time you should date someone should be the length of time it takes you to make a decision. I dated Paige for 12 months. Every season, I got to ask all the questions. If you're in a relationship and y'all have been dating for three or four years, girls, I know sometimes it's hard because you're waiting on him to propose. If it's been years, you owe it to yourself to have a conversation and say, "I need you to define where we're going. Love me enough to tell me." You should date as long as it takes you to make a decision. And if it's been two years and they're not making a decision, either you're not the one or they're not mature enough yet.

You should date as long as it takes to make a decision, and you should be engaged as long as it takes to plan a wedding. Because I love y'all. At that point you've already decided on that person. It's not like you're getting to know them. You've said, "You're the person." So why elongate the engagement? All you do is get tempted. It should be as long as it takes you to plan a wedding. When I got engaged to Paige, because I'm from South Africa and my parents are in South Africa, we had two dates that worked: one six months out and one two months out. And we were like, "Let's do the two months." We literally planned our wedding in two months. From dating to married was 14 months.

Now, does that mean that's what you have to do? Absolutely not. These are general guidelines. But what I'm saying is this: have a plan. Why? Because dating is a process you move through. It is not a status you sit in. So single ladies, you owe it to yourself to have a conversation. Men, you owe it to them to be clear with your intentions. Please, for the love of Jesus, be clear. "Hey, I want to get married. This is what we're doing. This is the timeline. This is what I'm thinking." Lead them in that way.

Single guys, there's a cute girl at Spirit Church, so you join the greeter team, and every time she comes in you're like, "Hey there." And then you become an usher so you can sit next to her. No, no, no. Be clear. If there's a girl you like, go up to her and say, "Hey, you seem like an incredible person. I would like to take you on a date." Use the word date. "Can I have your number? And it's okay if it's a no." Give her a way out. Love her enough to do that. Don't be weird. "So, I have dinner reservations for us at 6:00. I'll pick you up tomorrow." Don't even ask, just tell her that's what she's doing? No. They do that in movies. They don't do that in real life. Don't do that.

Girls, honor them. You do not owe them a yes, but you do owe them honor. So don't say no and then go to your girlfriends and be like, "Can you believe it? He asked me out. He's crazy." Don't do that. Be intentional.

"Brad, do you have a Bible verse for this?" No. Actually, I do. 1 Corinthians 7:25. Paul says this: "Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy." What he's saying is, this isn't a direct command, but I've lived a lot of life, I've done a lot of ministry, and I think this is wise. What I'm saying is this: I think it's wise. It's not always going to apply to every single person, but as a general principle, after watching relationships for 16 years, I think this is wise.

Singles, you have to decide how you're going to date. That means a timeline. It also means the process you're going to use when you're dating. We talked about this in week one. You have to build it on a spiritual foundation before you take it social, before you take it interpersonal, before you get emotional. When you're dating, you get emotional. And see the little winky face there? That winky face is physical. Marriage happens between the emotional and the winky face. No winky face before marriage. Winky face after marriage. That is the pattern. The problem is we start with the winky face, then we go emotional, then interpersonal, then social, and then we're like, wait, are you even a Christian? Don't do that. Set your boundaries. Stick to your boundaries.

How do married couples keep dating?

Married people, let me talk to you, because you're not deciding how to date, but my encouragement to you is that you decide to date again, because some of you aren't dating anymore. The Bible says this in Matthew 19:6: "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." And if we're not careful, kids will separate, schedules will separate, and we'll wake up 25 years into marriage and say, I don't even know you anymore. Why? Because you functioned like roommates.

There are all kinds of aspects of a relationship. There's a component that's back to back: it's me and you, baby, against the world. Then there's a component that's side to side: okay, we're doing this together. Are you picking up the kids? Am I picking up the kids? All the house chores. There's side to side, but there's also face to face. Back to back, side to side, face to face. For some of us, the challenge is that all we ever do is back to back and side to side, and there's never any face to face. And then we wonder why we don't know that person anymore, why we're not intimate with that person anymore. Because intimacy is "into me, see," and you're no longer face to face.

Go on a date. It doesn't have to be expensive. Go on a walk. But have moments where you can have conversations with your spouse. Some date night tips: put on some cologne. Girls, wear some perfume. I wear cologne around the house. Why? Because why would I smell good for y'all but not smell good for Paige? I'm like, "Babe, it's the cologne you like." I'm going to do it at the house more than I'm going to do it for y'all. Do some things together. Go for walks. Have fun. Watch something. But have times when you're talking.

Literally this week I was walking with Paige, and I started asking her about her time in college. I started asking questions I hadn't asked before, and I was learning stuff about her 10 years in. She is still someone to be discovered. She is still someone for me to explore, like, I want to know parts of your heart I've never known before.

"Brad, I'm bad at questions." Great. ChatGPT isn't. I already gave you one question you can ask: What are three ways I'm blessing you? What's one way I can bless you more? Have questions. Go to the table. Have a table topic. One of my favorite things to do when I'm driving with Paige is to say, "Give me three things you're grateful for," especially when we're in a bad mood. Give me three things you're grateful for. You'll be amazed at what that does for our relationship by the end of that conversation. Have them written down. Ask the questions. Watch what happens. So make sure you do back to back, side to side, face to face, and hopefully the date night ends belly to belly. That's all I'm going to say about that.

Moving on. In fact, next week we're going to talk about sex, so make sure you're here for that. If you have kids, please check them into Kids Ministry. If you have a teenager, get them here, because they're already hearing about this in the world. They might as well hear it from the Word. But please don't bring in your six-year-old. They'll be traumatized. We're going to talk about sex. It's going to be a great time.

4. Decide that you'll never quit

The final thing as we close is this: decide that you'll never quit. Single people, decide you'll never quit. I know sometimes it can be hard. You're trying to find a person, and we get to a place of learned helplessness. You're like, "There's no one." And I'm like, yes, but you've never left your house. There is no one in your house. Thank God there's no one in your house. You do not want someone in your house. You need to get out. Find life-giving community. Join a group. Start serving on the team. Start doing everything you can to put yourself in a place where you can meet someone. That's exactly what Ruth did. She placed herself where she would be noticed by Boaz.

Girls, let me say this. It's okay to approach initially, but it's not okay to pursue continually. Some of you are like, "Man, this guy just doesn't get the hint." Just say it. Say it once, and then stop saying it, and allow him to pursue. If you don't allow him to pursue and you continue to pursue, you will enable a behavior you'll hate when you're married. It's okay to approach initially. It is not okay to pursue continually.

And men, be bold and pursue, pursue, pursue. Ask. If you're like, "Man, this is hard," you're doing it right. You're supposed to pursue.

Guys and girls, be approachable. Some of you are like, "No one wants to date me," but you literally look mad all the time. "No one wants to approach me." Yes, because you're scary. Smile. It's funny: Naomi says this to Ruth in Ruth 3:3 when she's sending her to Boaz: "Wash, put on perfume, and get dressed in your best clothes." Men, wash. Take a shower. Put on some cologne. Put on your best clothes. Make yourself approachable.

And married people, I'll say this: don't quit. Don't quit dating. Don't quit pursuing each other. Some of you are on the brink of divorce, and the reason is that you quit. You stopped pursuing each other like you used to. And you come to a place where you're like, "I'm falling out of love." No, no, no. You don't fall out of love. Love is a decision. What you're saying is, "I'm choosing you, and I'm choosing you again." What could it look like if you pursued them now like you pursued them then? You're on the brink, but here's what you need to do: you just need to pursue again.

There's no perfect one. There's the one you chose.

"Brad, that's difficult. Brad, that's hard. There's been so much hurt. There's been so much pain." I get it. But y'all need to know this. When God brought Eve to Adam, He didn't bring her on a platter and say, "Adam, here's Eve." It didn't happen that way. What did He do? He put Adam to sleep, and He took her out of his side. What am I trying to say? It cost him something. Don't be surprised when a good, godly relationship costs you something. It's going to cost you your preferences. It's going to cost you laying down your life.

Some of you want to quit, and the reason you want to quit is that you got selfish. In that moment you need to say, "Holy Spirit, can You come? Jesus, can You make me like You?" And watch your marriage begin to shift. There is no perfect one. There's the one you chose, and they're the best person for you. When you chose them, they became your one. Can I get an amen?

I'd love to pray for you. Oh God, I want to thank You for every single person that's here, for the single people and for the married people. Holy Spirit, I pray that even in this moment You'll begin to correct the parts of our minds that do not line up with Scripture, and God, that we'll start to follow You and follow Your Word. Lord, that we'll make a decision to be in covenant. Lord, if we're married, I pray for the strengthening of marriages. Lord, may You do what only You can do.

While you continue praying, there are people here who have heard all of this, and what you've realized throughout this sermon is that you're far from God. Let me just tell you this. The story of Ruth and Boaz is actually a story of us and Jesus. Ruth's family line was failing. She wasn't able to push forward. But Boaz redeemed her. Same with us. Jesus came and He redeemed us. He gave us a life. He gave us a future. Some of you have been so far from God, and you have no future. Let me just say this: Jesus came so that you can have life, that you can live life abundantly, that you can have life to the full.

If you're here and you're not following Him, I want to give you an opportunity to do that. I want you to pray this prayer after me, just in your heart: "Dear Jesus, I know that You're the Son of God and the Savior of the world. I know You came to this earth, You died on a cross, and You were raised so that I can have life. I make You my Lord. I make You my Savior. In Jesus' name."